S Rank Plumbers
by Gonasamu
Summary: What happens when the Akatsuki's last working toilet breaks, and Deidara and Hidan are assigned to fix it? Crack, Oneshot. Rated T for Hidan's mouth. Please R&R!


**Gonasamu: FULL CREDIT FOR THIS STORY GOES TO FRANKIE-SEMPAI!!**

**Frankie: Yes, I am too lazy to make my own Fanfiction account XP**

**Gonasamu: So, without further ado, here is the story!!**

**Frankie: WE DUN OWN ANYTHING**

**Gonasamu: Rated T for swearing!**

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He tilted his head, as if the situation would make more sense that way.

Raising an eyebrow, he sighed.

"Hey, fucktards! Bathroom's broken!"

That familiar booming voice was instantly recognised by the blonde as he stumbled out of his room, "it's too early for you to be yelling, un!"

"Of course you'd be the one to respond to being called fucktard," said Hidan, snickering slightly at Deidara who gave him the finger.

"I figured to you it was a broad statement," he sighed, peeking into the bathroom to see what the priest was talking about.

Sure enough, there was water streaming out from the throne, the seat was down, some genius probably thought that would stop the water.

"So, what did you break the toilet for, un?" he asked lazily.

"I didn't, you dumbass! It was like this when I got here."

"Well, what do you want me to do about it?"

"The Hell if I'd know, just lodge some of your clay in there or something"

"That wouldn't fix anything, and my clay isn't for half-assed plumbing purposes, un!"

While the two continued to argue, the water continued it's journey from the seat and across the floor, making it's way into the hallway.

"Aah, Sempai, Hidan-kun, you know you shouldn't be fighting!" said the passifistic voice of Tobi, who could hear the sounds of conflict from a mile away,

"what's the matterrrrrrrrrrrrrr..????!" he began asking while scooting out of another room, only to glide down the hall on the wet floor.

"Frig, let's just call a plumber or something then." said Hidan, the two of them completely ignoring the slight yelp that slid down the hall behind them.

"Nah, you know Kuzu-san would never pay for that, un."

Hidan sighed in agreement.

"This water is dangerous..." said a raven haired young man, carefully walking back to the bathroom, "Hidan-kun, why did you break the toilet?"

"I FUCKING DIDN'T!" the priest growled, Tobi ducking behind his sempai for protection, which seemed rather fruitless, since he was clearly much taller.

"Well, you were in here first, so, I just thought..." he said meekly.

Deidara sighed, slightly annoyed at how close Tobi was to him, "c'mon, let's tell Leader-sama, he can do something about it, un."

**INZEKITCHEN**

"Why does this not surprise me in the slightest..." said Pein, his voice slightly muffled due to him having his head rested on the kitchen table. He hadn't had his coffee yet.

"Great job, Hidan, really!" snapped Konan, looking over at the Jashinist while holding a spatula in a slightly menacing fashion. "that was the last working bathroom we have!"

"Why is everyone blaming me for?!" hissed Hidan, "I keep fucking telling you, it was like that when I got there, seriously!"

"What would it matter to you men for anyway," she sighed, resting a coffee mug next to Pein's head on the table, "you guys can go piss in the bushes or something."

Deidara and Hidan cringed. Sure they were men, but not wild animals...in other words, it was too cold out there.

"Enough debate, you two will just have to fix it." mused Pein, finally gaining some life from his precious cup of coffee.

The two looked at their leader in annoyance.

"Why us?!" the Jashinist whined, "I sure as Hell didn't break it!"

Pein merely glanced at them, "fix it or I'll feed you Konan's cooking"

That was more than enough incentive to send them off to do their duty as they quickly ran out of the room in compliance.

"Pein, you asshat!" cried the blue haired girl, whapping the young man repeatedly with the spatula. "my cooking is improving you know!"

**LINEDEVIDERTHING**

Water continued it's merry journey in streams down the hallway as the two nins' prepared themselves for the task at hand.

"Alright, Dei-chan, let's get this over with," said Hidan, having tossed his cloak in his room so he wouldn't soak it.

The blonde finished tying his hair up, still in his sleep attire which consisted of a simple pair of black pants, which were now rolled up, and a t-shirt, "right, un."

Having absolutely no experience in plumbing, the two started by staring at the mighty obstacle, hoping an idea would come to mind.

Using his foot, Deidara lifted the seat, "k, what do we try first?"

"Uh, the plunger maybe?"

"I don't think we have one..."

"Mother fu---, fine, I have another idea"

Hidan left the room a second, coming back in with his scythe, "I'll fucking kill it, stand back"

"You can't 'kill' it, you moron, un!" sighed Deidara,

"wait... although, your scythe might be of some use~!"

The blonde fished out some clay, molding it into the shape of a plunger's suction part, then promptly sticking it to the bottom of the silver haired man's weapon.

He gave the shorter boy an incredulous look, "eh, whatever."

Poised to strike, as if he were about to slay an enemy, Hidan thrusted down his scythe into the toilet.

"Ok, now pull!" said Deidara, the Jashinist doing so upon command.

"It's fucking stuck!" he grunted, yanking but to no avail, "help me out here!"

The blonde took a hold of him around the waist, "pull, un!"

Grunting in unison, the two retreated back as best they could, Hidan gripping the scythe with white knuckles.

The makeshift plunger finally came unlodged, the sudden release sending the two boys backwards amongst the water that came out like a geyser.

At this time, Kisame was walking down the increasingly flooded hall, his partner securely on his back piggy-back style.

"OH SWEET ZOMBIE JESUS, MAKE IT STOP!!!"

"UNNNNN!!!"

"Should we...help them??" asked the tall nin, not sure if he wanted to look in there.

Itachi looked at the door in amusement, "...no"

Kisame shrugged, "okie dokie then." and they resumed down the hall to the kitchen.

"Now I'm going to have to do my hair all over again!" hissed Deidara, now sufficiently water-logged and none too pleased with it.

He pointed a finger at the throne in declaration, "I'M GOING TO FUCKING END YOU, UN!"

"Gah! No you tool!" said Hidan, sliding into the ticked blonde before he poignantly blew up the offending porcelain monster.

Konan's eye twitched, hearing all the cursing and thudding coming from the direction of the bathroom, "Pein, the water is getting worse..."

Glancing down at the floor, "hm, you're right..." he concluded, putting his feet up on a chair,

"Kisame, Itachi, go help them would you?"

"Honestly, I'm a little afraid to go in there." said Kisame, putting his empty mug on the counter,

"nonetheless... C'mon Itachi-san"

The shorter young man hopped down from his dry place on the counter-top back onto his partner's back.

Knocking on the bathroom door seemed customary, "uh, guys?" Kisame began, opening the door after giving it a slight warning rap.

Amongst the soaked sight of bathroom doom, Deidara was perched on top of the toilet seat cover in some vain attempt to hault the water while Hidan was trying to pull his scythe out of the wall.

"You need help," the blue man finished, in slight horror of the scene before him.

"YES" the two looked at him pleadingly.

Deidara scowled at Itachi, "oi, no fair! how come he's free from getting the slightest bit wet?"

The Uchiha gave a small smirk, "I'm just not as careless as you two are."

"In other words, he has me," Kisame teased, to which his partner gave an embarrassed huff.

A figurative lightbulb went off above the Jashinist's head, "speaking of Kisame, can't you just use one of your water jutsu's to get rid of all this?"

"I suppose" he replied, "could just usher it out the window..."

While Deidara hopped over to the window to slide it open, the blue nin formed a hand sign.

The water that was gushing out in pales began dancing and flowing towards the small exit, slipping over the ledge and into the grassy backyard below.

Just then, Hidan had finally succeeded in freeing his beloved scythe from the wall, but once again the jolt from the unlodging sent him sliding across the wet floor and into the side of the porcelain beast, accidentally nudging an arm onto the handle.

The room's occupants froze in fear for the brief moment before the chaos insued.

A loud boom sounded, shaking the hideout slightly in it's wake. The bathroom door came flying off it's hinges, water spewing out in a massive tidal wave that streamed down the halls.

"Oh good Lord..." said Konan, feeling water up to her shins at this point, "Pein, you've hired a bunch of home destroying retards!!" she flailed, a visible vein on her forehead.

Pein was hiding from her death glare behind his newspaper, "can't argue with you there..."

Deidara slid down from the wall, he had been clutching to the windowsill for dear life, while Hidan had been tossed back across the room and was plastered slightly to the wall.

Kisame had managed to hold his ground, but was dripping wet and looking moderately shocked.

Itachi had taken the wise and somewhat cowardly route and ducked in cover behind his partner, leaving him no worse for wear than before.

"WHAT HAVE YOU IDIOTS DONE?!" roared Konan, stomping her way into the demolished water closet.

"I really have no idea anymore, un," answered Deidara, blinking in a total stupor.

The lone female Akatsuki looked around the room in utter frustration,

"jeez, for all you know all that needed to be done was jiggle the handle!" she sighed, doing so as she spoke.

To the boys' horror and semi-rage, the water eased off, leaving an awkward as all Hell silence.

One could literally hear her snap, "you have 3 seconds to run.... 1..."

Taking that to heart, the 4 didn't stick around to hear the last 2 numbers as they slid and scrambled down the hall in opposite directions.

Needless to say their pay checks were missed for a good few months.

But at least Konan got her own bathroom out of it.

**TEH END!**


End file.
